Swingers: all you need to know

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The man with two women in the mask before the threesome

Are you curious about swinging? You always wanted to try but you are not sure how to start? Or maybe you would like to prepare your partner for it? Do you want to know how to join the swingers community or how to meet swingers? We are here to ease away your anxiety and share helpful tips to make your first swinging experience as happy & hot as possible.

We went through it ourselves a few years ago and we know your feelings and doubts! This guide is written from the woman’s perspective but it is useful for both of you. 

Swingers – The meaning

The most common definition of a swinger is a person who dates/sleeps with multiple people at the same time.

It’s believed that swinging, at least how we know it today came into wider practice during the 1950s in America.

Swinging has gone on quite a journey, from secret meetings to apps and websites specifically designed to find you, someone, to swing with.

For me, it simply means that we are a typical couple but we have a dirty secret: We’re swingers. We meet other couples and have sex with each other’s partners. As a swinger, you can swap partners with other couples or possibly have threesomes—but emotions don’t get involved. There are no “solo dates” with the people you swing with. There’s also no “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy. Your partner knows all the spicy details. 

We realized that every swingers couple has their own specific interests. Some of them prefer parties and participate in orgies. Some of the couples are more “introverted”, preferring to meet other couples through lifestyle websites (I think it is more my style). Some swingers will do everything excluding sex, it is called soft swap. Other couples will enjoy a full swap including sex. Sometimes couples play together in the same room and sometimes couples agree to be in separate rooms. It is all up to you, your partner, and the couple that you play with. Many couples get into the lifestyle because the woman realizes she is bisexual, so they’re looking for couples where the women can play with each other, but the men are only involved with their own partners, which may sound frustrating for the man, but believe me, they enjoy looking at two beauties who have fun together. 

How to spot a swinger? 

The answer is very difficult, as swingers very often are a standard couple, who has just a more spicy sexual life. You can see them more relaxed, open, and flirting not only with their own partner.

People in our surroundings would have a problem to guess what is our secret passion. Due to careers and conservative families, we keep our sexual practices to ourselves. It is not like this discreet sexy lifestyle is advertised in TV commercials or swingers walk the streets wearing a shirt with “I’m A Swinger” emblazoned on it.

Other signs? Some online websites suggested that swingers wear a certain type of jewelry (the black ring on the right hand), or have some questionable plants and decorations in the garden or house (Pampas grass in the front yard garden or pineapple door knocker).

 From our experience, do not believe in that! Swingers look like a standard couple. 

How to meet swingers?

So how does someone figure out how to meet swingers in their local neighborhood? Here are some of the many places you can check out to connect with your local swingers.

Meet swingers online

The best way to find other swingers is to join the swinger dating site that is most popular in your local area. These sites have forums and a calendar of local parties and club events. You will need to pay a membership fee to the dating sites which helps keep out the fake members. They will also check your identity, but don’t worry, you can definitely trust them. The page will show you all the couples that are close to your location or which couple will visit your city during the vacation. A nice thing about online dating sites is that you can arrange it how you feel. You can respond to messages from other swingers at your own pace. You can talk with your partner, ask for more photos and sleep on it before responding to a message or offer to meet up. Currently due to the limited amount of clubs in our neighborhood we love this alternative. For the first time, it might be less overwhelming for you! One of our first swinging dates happened with the couple from SDS during our holidays in Italy! Good weather, good wine, good food, nice company, and sexy vibes- what do you need more?  

The most popular dating website in Europe is SDC, in the United States, you will find more pages such as SLSAFFSZCKasidieC4P. The most popular page in Canada is Swinging heaven.

Swingers Club

Many places have a local swingers club. These member-only social clubs are a great place to meet other open-minded people. International swingers clubs have varying rules and regulations for their members.

What will you do in the swingers club? When you enter the club you can have a drink or snacks like in any other bar or disco. You can dance and mingle with other couples. The only difference is that you will be deciding whether you want to get closer with the couples you’re talking to. Often these clubs have private or semi-private places you can use for sexy fun.

Where to find a swingers club? Swinger clubs can also happen anywhere. It can be in the city center or the suburbs. They can be held in luxury hotels, places that look more like private residences, or like a standard club. To protect everyone’s privacy the club will likely ask you to go through a screening process. 

It is worthy to mention that, not all swinger parties descend into one big orgy. Another misconception is that people walk around everywhere butt naked.

Swingers Parties

Swinger couples are open to make new friends, so many couples will host private house parties. You can find them posted on the calendar of the swinger dating site or be informed by other swingers’ friends in the club or during another party. To attend these parties, you need to get an invitation from the party host. The key to the success is to make as many connections as you can in the club and on your swinger dating site. House parties are fun, very often only selected couples are invited and usually, the hosts will be happy to borrow you a bedroom for some naughty fun if would want. 

Swingers cruise and swingers resort

There are some amazing resorts and swingers cruises that are popular with swingers. Not every guest at these resorts is a swinger, but the majority of the guests are into this lifestyle. For beginners, I wouldn’t recommend it, as you might feel a bit overwhelmed. Start from the date or swingers club and if you will decide that you are into this lifestyle it is a great place to meet a new couple and in the relaxing atmosphere have sex fun together. You can enjoy a luxury vacation and have the option to wear your sexiest clothes or nothing at all. You can have the hottest holidays and make friends with swingers from all over the world.

Now you know who are swingers, how to recognize them and where to meet them you can get ready for your first time. 

What should you know before you swing for the first time?

  1. Make sure you are both on the same page- Talk with your partner about what you both want & don’t want. 

Remember that in the vast majority of first-time swingers, one partner is significantly more eager and open to the idea of expanding their sexual life than the other. In our case Daniel had a swinging experience, he explained to me what I can expect and what can happen. He didn’t put any pressure on me. Be open about your feelings and doubts. Set the rules and boundaries, but be open to change if you will feel the flow. It is important to learn what you are both comfortable with. Don’t commit to playing during your first meeting, easier to heat things up than it is to escape awkward moments. Create secret signals to let you communicate with your partner that you enjoy or not. Our secret signal is a pack of chewing gum. I pack two types of chewing gum. If I offer my partner the fruity one it means “no connection, let’s go home” if I offer him a peppermint one it means “this is hot, let’s play”. Be creative, there are subtle ways a couple can communicate privately with each other while they are surrounded by other people without exposing their feelings to everyone in the room. Many swinger couples like to have a few signals and/or codewords to indicate different feelings.

2. Don’t rush – The world of swinging has been about for years and is growing ever more popular as time goes on. Do some research online together with your partner, chat with different couples via swingers dating pages, look at reviews of the local clubs. If you meet the couple for the first time, don’t commit to anything, if you will feel the right chemistry you can do it.

3. Meet one selected couple- Before you commit to a swingers club we suggest meeting one couple that you feel the good flow with online. This way your first time will be with someone picked by you and your partner which means that you’ve given your initial experience the best chance of being a fantastic one.

If everything has gone well and both of you feel like the lifestyle is something you like then visit a club. 

Looking back, when we’ve started our swingers adventure I think that the above tips were crucial for us (especially for me) to know before we entered into this magic world.

If you have any questions or doubts we will be happy to support you!