Swinging is one of the most misunderstood lifestyles there is. Many uninformed people believe that it’s an uninhibited sexual free-for-all without any rules or safety behind it. While there certainly is a lot of releasing inhibitions involved with swinging, it’s certainly not a completely lawless lifestyle that’s without any levels of safety.
That’s why people who are new to swinging will often require a little bit of leading when they first get involved. You could say this was being shown the ropes, but of course for some people they might say it was being shown the handcuffs. We’re going to help you get to grips with everything you need to know when it comes to meeting other like minded people and getting into the swinging scene.
How to Spot a Swinger?
There are a number of different ways for you to spot if someone is a swinger. One of the most obvious ways is through seeing them at an event. If you’re at a swinging event, whether it’s a large scale bash or a quiet gathering of friends, then there is a good chance that they’re a swinger. After all, not just anyone gets invited and it’s not like they’re advertised on the TV. In this kind of scenario it would be perfectly acceptable to approach and start a discussion. You would know that if you’d received an invite yourself though, so what about spotting other less obvious signs?
Well, one sign that swingers often use to identify themselves is wearing a black ring on their right hand. This is a very easy way that isn’t obvious to outsiders, after all not everyone likes to broadcast what they do in their private lives, some swingers like to keep it to themselves after all. You shouldn’t just run up to someone wearing a black ring and start talking about a liaison though. There’s a possibility that they could just enjoy wearing black jewelry. So, what should you do in order to spark up a conversation without just being direct and to the point?
A great way is to mention the ring in a more innocent manner. Talk about how you like the ring, and that you and some of your friends enjoy that kind of ring. Maybe say that you could possibly be in the same social circles. You could even talk about it as though it was a club if you like. Don’t be too upfront though, while the vast majority of swingers are happily open about their lifestyles not everyone is and you should respect their privacy, regardless of your own levels of openness.
Another way that swingers might identify themselves is a little more obvious, if you know what you’re looking for. Some swingers wear a wristband that identifies who they are. It has a specific symbol on it that gives the information that they are into swinging. It’s the male and female signs locked together on their sides. There are then three plus or minus signs either side of the symbol. Generally, the plus signs mean that the swingers come as a couple, whereas the minus signs mean that they are happy to swing alone. It all depends on what you’re looking for. Remember though, these wristbands are not exactly common and certainly not as widely used amongst the older members of the community.
How do you know if a Couple Swings?
This can be a difficult subject to broach. While quite a lot of swingers are extremely open about their lifestyle, in fact the community as a whole is quite open, this isn’t the case with everyone. It would be a boring world if we all liked the same things after all. So you might have neighbours or friends or even work colleagues that you think are swingers, but are not totally sure about. If the signs we’ve already mentioned aren’t there then you might have to take other measures in order to find out.
This can be tough to broach because it could alienate people if you’re too direct. If you are quite sure that they are swingers then you might want to invite them to an event. This would allow you to get a direct answer as to whether they swing or not. Of course, this does also run the risk of ruining a friendship if they are not swingers and are not comfortable with you potentially propositioning them, so you should only do this if you are extremely sure that they swing.
Another way which is less likely to alienate them, but could expose you to some prejudiced views, is asking their opinion of swinging. Don’t just initiate the conversation like that, it would be too direct. Slowly lead the conversation in that direction, see what their reaction is. You’ll be able to find out if it’s likely that they swing from their reactions to different areas of the lifestyle. Of course if they express disgust or unkind views about swinging then perhaps they’re not the kind of friends you want in your life anyway.
What Percentage of Couples Swing?
It’s almost impossible to get an accurate percentage when it comes to knowing how many couples out there take part in swinging. This is because there isn’t a huge amount of research that has been carried out. There have been studies carried out over the years, but these tend to be both a small data set and subject to potential issues around the legitimacy of the answers.
In 2004 a study was carried out that said around 10% of couples had taken part in swinging at some point in the relationship, but just 2% swung on a regular basis. This means that according to this study in 2004 1 in 10 couples had tried swinging and 1 in 50 couples lived a swinging lifestyle.
Of course, 2004 was a long time ago, so this data is slightly out of date. A more recent study showed that swinging is in fact on the rise. As many as 4% of couples live a swinging lifestyle. While this might jump out as saying 96% of couples don’t swing, it also means that the percentage of couples that swing has doubled in fewer than 20 years. Who knows, perhaps in another 20 years it will be as high as 10%. Maybe in 100 years swinging will be the majority.
It should be noted that none of the figures truly show a real percentage. This is because the sample size was quite small. It means that the true percentage of couples that swing could be much higher or even lower than the one quoted in the study. But, all of the current available data points towards 4% of couples being the most likely percentage.
What are the Rules of Swinging?
In general there will be a lot of rules that vary between swingers, sex isn’t a one size fits all pastime after all. However, there are some rules that tend to remain the same between the vast majority of swingers. While these rules are not exhaustive, these are the most common and amongst the most important in our opinion.
- Wear Protection
Protection is incredibly important when swinging. STIs are prevalent in society and without the use of protection they can quickly spread through the swinging community. Make sure that you are respectful of both your partner and yourself by insisting that protection is used.
- Be Clean
There’s nothing more off putting than a sexual partner that hasn’t taken care of their personal hygiene. Make sure that you are clean and well groomed. You wouldn’t appreciate it if your partner hasn’t looked after themself so make sure that you offer them the same courtesy.
- Don’t talk about their spouse or yours
This is just good manners. If you’re entering into a fun moment with a lover, why spoil the mood by discussing aspects of your or their day to day lives? Keep it separated from everything else. The last thing you should be doing is asking questions about comparisons or even worse, complaining to your partner about your spouse. Keep it as just you and them, no-one else.
- Remain Sober
Being sober might not always be a rule, but for first time liaisons it’s definitely one you should adhere to. Alcohol, or other substances, will loosen your inhibitions. You might think that this is a positive when it comes to swinging, but if you require something to persuade you to carry it out, then perhaps swinging isn’t for you.
- Curb your stamina
Try to maintain a relatively fast finish. The last thing you want is a 6 hour marathon session while your respective partners are sitting in the lounge making awkward small talk because they finished after 30 minutes. Unless it’s something that everyone is intending to indulge in, try to make sure that it’s fun for everyone, not just you.
While there are other rules that might be in place, these are the main ones to look out for. Just remember, once you’ve found other swingers to swap with, the main rule is to enjoy yourselves and remain safe.