It’s Not Easy

It’s Not Easy

The Complexities of Being Open & Not Always Getting Laid.

We had an interesting experience a couple weekends ago. As far as being “open” goes, it had its good points, but it also had its share of disappointment. Because of those disappointments, I nearly didn’t write about it. However, I gave it some more thought and said to myself: “Ya know… not everything about this lifestyle lives up to the fantasy and everyone who reads my blog needs to know the truth!” So, here it goes.

You may recall a previous post in which I recounted our experiences with Craigslist. In that post, I gave the run-up to this story, in which Vlad posted an ad saying that we three (Vlad, Rachel and I) were looking for a forth person (a girl). If you missed that, you may want to start reading there, first.

Now, if you did read it, you know that Rachel and I planned to go to Vlad’s party and meet Kat (the girl he found via Craigslist) on a Saturday night. I think it is also necessary for you know that Kat is married. Her husband was completely unaware of her activities. He thought she was out with some girlfriends.

Now, normally I’d have a problem playing with someone who was deceiving her husband. In fact, I had a tinge of guilt about it, but because I was caught up in the excitement of it, I tried not to focus on it. I reasoned with myself that this was between her and her husband… not between myself and her husband. I figured that if she was willing to play around on him that she must have good reason to. None of my business, I thought.

While I’m not convinced that my attitude wasn’t the right one, I’m also not completely satisfied with my approach to the situation when I consider the way things ended up turning out with her husband, in the end.*

Also, before arriving at the party on Saturday night, I learned from Kat (by texting back and forth with her, earlier in the day) that the night before she had not only been fucking Vlad, but had also twice fucked a good friend of his, named Scott. They had been partying by the pool all night and, just before Vlad passed out, Scott asked him, “Hey man, you care if I fuck your girl?” To which Vlad gave his approval. According to Kat’s text to me, she said she had a great time with him and ended up sleeping in the same bed between both Vlad and Scott’s naked bodies. She also added that “this boy belongs in Playgirl magazine!” … I figured it was an exaggeration.

Rachel and I pulled into Vlad’s drive that evening. Kat was already outside and ran up to greet us. She let us know that the party was wild and that all the guys, Vlad and Scott included, were already completely wasted. We went inside and it didn’t take long to realize that she was right… they were wasted.

Rachel realized right away that Kat was right about something else, Scott did belong in Playgirl! When Scott first saw Rachel, his eyes were immediately transfixed upon her and, right away, he walked up to her and began talking, unfortunately, he was so drunk that he was far from charming and Rachel just wanted to escape the room!

Rachel, Kat and I decided to take a walk around the block and get to know one another. It seemed apparent, at this point, that Kat was into both of us. It was just the general vibe.

We got back and all the guys were still acting crazy (it was more than just Vlad and Scott… several other people were there, as well). And when I say “crazy”, I don’t mean “crazy in a good way”. There was some drama going on and a couple guys were scuffling, etc. It was just very uneasy for the girls, who were just wanting Vlad to wind down so we could all sit and chill with one another. If it had been anybody other than Vlad’s party, we would’ve left immediately. It had been a long drive to get there and we decided to endure it a little longer before giving up.

Finally, Vlad broke away from his fellow partiers and the four of us found a spare bedroom and sat down on the bed and talked for a while. Rachel and Kat both expressed their desire for us to continue hanging out, with the possibility of getting kinky later… but Vlad was not in the mood for sex. He was too far gone. “Vlad,” Rachel said, “let’s just hang out for while and escape the crazies in the other room! Not necessarily sex play right away, but I don’t want to be around them.” Vlad argued that they were his friends and he needed to entertain them.

Finally, we all go into the master bedroom (Vlad’s room). For some reason, this is where all the partying guys had congregated. Scott and I hit it off. I felt like he was a really cool guy. He’s in the Army, it turns out, and he opened up to me about what he’s gone through overseas. I had a soft spot for him… and it didn’t hurt that he was now sobering up. He kept obsessing over Rachel and would turn to me to say, “Your girl is so beautiful!”

I had left the room for a minute and, upon returning, I saw that Scott and Rachel were talking and I overheard her say to him, “You’ll have to ask Zach.” To which he turned toward me and sheepishly said, “Nah, that’s okay.”

I was like, “What?”

Again, appearing shy, he said, “Nothing. Never mind.”

I pressed him and finally he hesitantly asked: “Can I kiss your girl?”

I feigned outrage, which was fun, but finally laughed and said, “Sure, you can. Go ahead.”


“Yeah, go ahead.”

Rachel was sitting on the couch when he walked over to her, straddled her with his arms and began kissing her. His kissing was very aggressive, apparently, because both Rachel and Kat immediately began giving him kissing pointers, as he took turns kissing one and then the other.

Before long, I was sitting on the couch, as well, and Kat sat on my lap and began kissing me, too; however, it didn’t last long, because we were constantly being interrupted by people coming into the bedroom.

I told Scott that if he wanted to play anymore with Rachel, he’d need to get his friends out of the room. He quickly jumped to it and began shuffling them out.

Before long, Rachel and Kat had the couch to themselves. Vlad, Scott and myself were sitting on the edge of the bed as we watched them make out. Kat removed Rachel’s shirt, revealing her perfect breasts. She kissed all over Rachel until she made her way down to her skirt and pulled it up… and pulled down Rachel’s panties. Us guys would occasionally glance at one another, as if to ask, “Are you seeing what I’m seeing!?!?”

Kat began licking Rachel’s pussy. For the most part, Rachel’s eyes were closed, but she’d occasionally look up at us guys and erotically smile. It was a nice show and, honestly, I don’t remember what caused it to end…

… but next thing I know, I’m back on the couch next to Rachel, kissing her, and Scott is kissing Kat.

However, that arrangement only lasts a minute before Kat takes Scott over to the bed and pulls Vlad along, as well. Now, the three of them are in bed together, while Rachel and I are left on the couch, by ourselves. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love to make out with Rachel, but something about this maneuver by Kat felt like a… well, it felt like a maneuver! Therefore, as Rachel and I are kissing, our wheels are both turning. We aren’t even thinking much of our own make out session, as we are really both wondering what is happening here.

So, I’m gonna take a break here, in the story, to share a few more tidbits of the night and give some thoughts.

1. Kat at some point had told Rachel that she felt like I was being too eager… as in, too eager to get it on with her. Now, on this issue, Rachel has seen me act “too eager” on occasion (guilty as charged!), but on this particular night, I was far from acting eager. In fact, it was the girls who were the most aggressive. Rachel and I discussed it later and she agreed. She hadn’t seen any sign of my being eager. If anything, she said I was too laid back. Almost uninterested.

2. From about the point that Kat had both Vlad and Scott to herself, on the bed, she seemed to be giving me the cold shoulder the rest of the night and actually either monopolized Rachel or Vlad and Scott. I was, yes, pretty well completely dissed by her.

3. A couple days later, Kat texted me. In the course of our text discussion, I asked her why the cold shoulder? She responded with: “I’ve been thinking a lot about that, myself. And this is what I came up with. I find you very good looking. Funny as a comedian. And great personality. It’s just that I realized I’m not attracted to guys who are smarter and older than I am.”

4. Regarding Kat and her husband. What is going on there? Well, it seems Kat’s past was very troubled (in the heartbreaking way). She had to deal with foster homes, abandonment issues, etc. Along came her church-going husband. He played the “savior” role for her. She wasn’t overly attracted to him physically, but was definitely attracted to his intelligent mind and his protective nature. He got her involved in church and helped her turn her life around; however, she told me that their chemistry in the bedroom is almost non-existent.

Now, here’s some thoughts that Rachel and I have had about all of this:

1. First, let me just be clear. Girls have the right not to be attracted to me. It’s no big deal. None of us should have to endure playing with someone for whom there is no attraction. Therefore, girls typically shouldn’t be so scrutinized for not being attracted to me, but something about the way Kat acted presented a mystery to me. Rachel felt it was mysterious as well. On the surface, you might just say, “Well, she wasn’t attracted.” But it seemed like more was at play under the surface. It’s likely that she wasn’t attracted to me, but the question was more of a: why?

2. The night before, Kat had the pleasure of being treated like a queen and worshipped sexually by two studs. Rachel’s been there and she knows how difficult it is to share that kind of attention with another girl. From the moment Rachel showed up at the party, Scott’s attention was fixated on her. When Rachel kissed Vlad, it was inevitable that Kat would soon follow. We both got the impression that she wasn’t completely comfortable seeing Rachel share the spotlight. I think there was jealousy at play, which is understandable. I even asked Kat a few days later if it made her a little jealous and she agreed that it did. So, mine and Rachel’s first thought was that, perhaps, ignoring me was Kat’s way of separating Rachel and I from the pack. In fact, the night ended with the 5 of us going to a club. On the way home, Kat leaned toward Rachel and told her she’d like for us to leave, so that she could have a threesome with Vlad and Scott. We agreed, but we were definitely annoyed. (That threesome never quite materialized.)

3. There may have been some jealousy at play, but as I think about it more, I think it is something different. I think I reminded Kat of her husband. This was confirmed in some texting we did earlier today. See, I’m very much that Savior-type, as well. I’ve played that role in many previous relationships. Thankfully, in my current relationship, with Rachel, I don’t have to be the savior. In fact, if anything, Rachel is more of a savior for me! In my life, this is a total role-reversal. However, as soon as Kat and I began talking, I immediately felt compassion for her situation. The things I said to her early on, it was clear I was looking out for her and didn’t want her to get too deep and destroy what she had at home. Earlier today, this is what was said between Kat and I (and yes, she gave me permission to use our conversation):

Me: I was writing about our night and it occurred to me that one possible reason you weren’t attracted to me is because I reminded you of your husband. Not necessarily personality (I don’t know)… but the Savior-side of me. You wanted wild and unpredictable, unlike your husband, but like Vlad and Scott. You think? (I don’t have to have this non-attraction thing figured out, but it was an interesting thought.)

Kat: yes…we connected
on an intellectual level… and you could see through me
to vlad and Scott…I was just an object to them and that was how i wanted it

Me: right. you didn’t want to be explored.

Kat: nope
it seems i have the best sex with strangers

Me: sometimes the hardest person to have sex with is your spouse. a spouse knows you too well.

Kat: but i already feel naked with others who see through me

Me: Because it requires intimacy and risk. that’s what you are ultimately afraid of, it seems: intimacy.

Kat and I had a lot more to say about the subject, but this is what it essentially boiled down to. A fear of true intimacy. The “letting someone see you as you actually are and being okay with it” kind.

Perhaps I’m more polyamorously wired and she was more in the moment and just wanted some mindless fucking… and wanted to escape. Maybe my inquisitiveness was too much a reminder of reality and that’s where the two of us clashed.

All in all, the night was a fun one. Not at all a waste. We went to a club and I watched Rachel and Kat dance all night in their tiny bikinis. All the guys (and plenty of girls) had their eyes glued to their show. Rachel ended up making out with Scott, at the club. We hit it off with him well enough that one day he may come to our place for some fun. (That’s yet to be determined.) That said, there was actually a lot more to the night than what I took the time to reveal here. The focus of this story wasn’t so much on what went right, but on what went wrong.

As for Kat and Vlad. It seems it was a short lived, whirlwind romance. They had a good time, but now it’s back to reality. I told her that maybe she should write her own “Bridges of Madison County”, about her time with Vlad (but without the bridges, of course). She laughed and said that maybe she would. I’ll be waiting for it.

* Kat’s husband found out. They are in the process of working through the damage caused by Kat’s infidelity. Hopefully, they will dig deep and be stronger for it.

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